We all have individuals in our lives that seem bigger than life – influencing us in ways we can’t understand until time, in fact considerable time, passes. I understand that we are more than the outgrowth of one or two individual’s influence. I suspect we can all point to a few individuals who had the most profound influence on our lives. In my case, the older I get, the more I reflect, the more I realize Quig’s and Audrey’s influence on my life is undeniable.

While Quig and Audrey (Q&A) are not the only ones who influenced my thinking, they are the two that had the most profound influence. I will bring others into the storyline that also shaped my thinking, but I am confident Q&A will ring out loud and clear. I take on the task of documenting Q&A’s and other’s influence for three main reasons. First, I want to create a record of the influence for good that Q&A and others have had on my life. Second, I want my family to have a record of the primary lessons I learned so they can avoid some of the pitfalls and grow with fewer hard knocks than they might otherwise. Third, I see those who are trying to influence others, struggle with which lesson to teach and I see those who are learning struggling with issues that are hard to recognize and pushing back on the learning process. I am hoping these essays can aid them in some small way to sort among life’s lessons to better understand those that matter most.

Most people called them Quig and Audrey, I mostly called them Mom and Dad. The reason I anticipate so much of the focus of these essays to be on the lessons I learned from Quig and Audrey stems from the fact that they walked the talk. I never remember a time when they said “do as I say, not as I do.” Their actions spoke louder than their words, but were fully consistent with the talk. Some of the influence they had on my life was clearly a result of the fact they were my parents, but mostly – and most importantly – because they were Quig and Audrey. They taught life’s lessons to everyone they knew, not just their kids, and there were six of them.

Quig grew up in the small southern Utah town of Moab. His father was a Forest Ranger in the days when they really did ride the range on horseback as the only person to administer uses for the district. That task now is accomplished by a staff that numbers in the dozens. It also meant that Quig was without a father at home most of the time. Quig really did not have the luxury of a father role model to influence his values and goals. For the most part Quig was left in the care of his grandmother and step-grandfather.

Quig’s mother was a kind and generous person who suffered from epilepsy in the days before medicine that could reduce the seizures. These episodes worsened to the point that Quig, as a pre-teen, had to take responsibility for his mother’s safety – protecting her from injury at night by restraining her during seizures. Quig lost his mother to cancer when he was only 10. Quig’s only sibling, a sister, died of typhoid fever when he was just 5 years old. So at age 10 he was left in the care of his grandmother and step-grandfather. To complicate matters even more, his father fell victim to alcoholism following the deaths of his wife and daughter. He never really filled the role of father again.

To make a long story short, Quig’s early years were marked with tragic events, few personal victories, and the absence of the usual cast of characters that mold a young man.

Audrey, also a product of southern Utah, grew up in St. George. Her summers were spent living on a ranch near the Mountain Meadows, where her father ran cattle. She was strongly grounded in family values, influenced by religious upbringing and a long list of pioneers. She had an innate sense of the value of education and devoted much of her life to teaching in public schools. Her background strongly contrasted with that of Quig’s. They shared a common commitment to sacrificing for school. Neither Quig nor Audrey had the resources to attend college without working to finance their way through school. In Audrey’s case this meant working as a housekeeper. In Quig’s case it meant working at the school tree nursery during the day and singing at a local restaurant in the evening for his supper. Audrey learned homemaking skills early in life and honed them with a major in college of home economics.

Audrey’s parents were always there for her. Whenever she needed them they were there. She spent as much time riding horses as any of her brothers. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and distant relatives were always a significant part of Audrey’s life. She developed a keen sense of the value of family relationships through the large network of family members in St. George.

In the chapters that follow, you will have glimpses into the make-up of Q&A as well as some of the events that shaped their values, goals, and views of life. Lest you assume you will only hear the stories of Q&A, I also intend to include stories of others who have shaped my sense of what matters most in life. I also intend to provide some examples of why and how these principles play out in other’s lives. Lastly I intend to provide a simple summary that highlights the potential application of the principle today.

I begin with the premise that we are all learning and we are all teaching. It matters not whether you are young or old. I’ve learned some grand lessons from my grandchildren at the same time I hope I am teaching them some lessons as well. Whether your desire is to hone your list of principles to teach, compare the principles you feel best characterize what matters most in life, or search for some tidbits that might be helpful, I encourage your comments. I am certainly open to learning more.

Thomas M. Quigley