Principle – Service and sacrifice expands our capacity to love.

Holding some positions in life requires tough decisions that not everyone will agree with.  I remember more than one pushing match as a kid, initiated by a rancher’s son who thought it was unfair to cut back grazing on the Fishlake National Forest.  I am confident his ideas and words were not self instructed.  Indeed leading should not be seen as a popularity contest.  Quig and Audrey were quite clear on this point.  They were not out to become the most popular people.  They did not seek controversy nor demean others opinions, but they were very principled.  They stood up for what they thought was right and true.

As a female school teacher, Audrey expressed her dismay at the disparate compensation provided for her male counterparts who were doing the same work as women teachers.  Audrey was not one to remain silent when injustices were present.  She would engage in discussions, mostly with her fellow teachers, about the issue.  While attending the Utah State Teachers Convention, Audrey was surprised when asked if she would be the primary spokesperson in front of the entire audience on this topic.  Her style was rarely to occupy the public soap box, but she also rarely bypassed a conversation with colleagues on controversial issues.  Where she stood was clear, what she thought was understood.  Her words were never random, rather well reasoned, logical expressions, oftentimes preceded by a quite moment of thought as she pondered her words.  She came across as informed and thoughtful, even if sometimes opinionated – some even thought too opinionated.

My suspicion is there are thousands of parents who have accomplished successfully teaching valuable principles to their colleagues, families, and neighbors.  I simply do not have intimate knowledge of just how they taught these principles, but I do have such insight into how Q&A did.  And for the most part I think their example is better than my personal example.  Indeed, Q&A did not have a patent on teaching life’s principles.  I offer these writings as a means to highlight at least how one family learned these principles.  After all it seems to me that we learn from the examples of tohers, our own mistakes and successes, and from what we glean from rading, listening, and observing.

As a child, I witnessed some of the first manifestations of service from Q&A.  This should not be surprising.  We saw them doing all manner of tasks in service and sacrifice to the family.  We don’t connect early on that this is service and sacrifice, but later we learn that parents have more choices to consider than washing the clothes, cleaning the house, changing diabpers, preparing meals, and attending our events.  In fact no all parents make the choice to sacrifice outside activities in favor of home/family service.

Q&A were virtually always there for the kids.  Even though they both worked, they were available and dedicated to the family.  Just how many hundreds of school, church, and community events did they attend because they had a child or grandchild involved?  The answer just to my events alone exceeds 200.  How many of these do I recall Q&A complaining about attending or the distance that was involved?  None.

I didn’t fully appreciate the service and sacrifice this represented until our own daughter started playing volleyball competitively.  We traveled all over the Northwest – occupying nearly every weekend, fully exhausting several vans over the years.  Our family of four children was but a sampling of what we witnessed as the service and sacrifice of Q&A over six decades.

But the truly amazing thing about this story was the family service and sacrifice were only one manifestation of the commitment to service and sacrifice.  Church in small communities is in many ways a commitment to culture and community.  An assignment given was an assignment taken.  Leading in a capacity in church was much more than preparing a lesson for Sunday school.  The obligations of time –without compensation – often exceeded 20 hours per week.

An outside observer might assume that such commitment to service and its attendant sacrifices would build resentment or a potential barrier to family and others.  The reality is quite different.  In fact what we felt and witnessed was an increased capacity in Q&A to love and be loved. It was more a self enrichment than a depletion of a finite resource.

I have since seen the reverse circumstance play out.  One couple I know had no children, was very committed to enhancing their financial standing, and purposely planned activities aimed at gratifying their own wants and needs.  An ethic of service and sacrifice were far from their innate nature.  As they aged they grew more and more restricted in the circle the associated with.  They found many reasons to grumble about the community, the nation, their employer, and neighbors.  In deed their capacity to love had contracted to the point that they didn’t even seem happy with each other.  While I don’t think this is, or was, an irreversible state, I think the principle holds even in their case – provided they begin to develop patterns of service and sacrifice their capacity to love will expand.

So what is service – it comes in forms that have a common element – the reason for the activity, time, energy, and resources go to benefit someone other than you with no intent or expectation that you will be compensated in return.  Sacrifice – when you give up something that you value to benefit someone else.  If its all about you, then service and sacrifice are not shining in your life.

I suppose this principle is one of those that I must have soaked up.  Church, family, non-profits organizations, and professional societies kept me very busy, yet my personal relationships and capacity to love grew as I sacrificed personal gratification and served others.  My family relationships strengthened and deepened. I certainly don’t think I perfected this side of my life, but I do feel that I have not fared poorly in this regard either.  I think I grew better at service, sacrifice, and love as I gained more of life’s experiences and could better appreciate the qualities of these I observed in others.

Bottom Line – To the extent we provide service to others and sacrifice of ourselves, our capacity to love expands.

Principle – You can’t run if you don’t know how to walk.

I was one of those kids whose birthday was late enough in the summer that I could have started school a gear later. I graduated from high school at age 17. As most high school graduates, I was smart enough to tackle the world; there simply was not much I didn’t know. Of course I was wrong, but one does not find that out for at least a little while. My goal was very clear – I wanted to work for the Forest Service, just like my Dad and his Dad. I wanted to make a difference and be a real leader. So off to college I went to equip myself with the schooling I needed.

As many find out, all that learning in high school paid few dividends at college. As a freshman, I worked hard and did fair, but not great. I found myself distracted by this love bug that bit me hard and would not let go. I decided the only solution for me was to marry my high school sweetheart. So at the end of my freshman year, I was ready to rethink all my goals, abandon school, get married, and enter the trades.

Quig had another idea. With neither fanfare nor lecture, he quietly told me that he would provide $100 per month as an incentive for me to stay in college. This might not seem like much now, but in those days tuition was $110 per quarter, I was working on campus for $1.25 per hour, gasoline was 32 cents per gallon, and rent was $50 per month if I would mow the lawn and shovel the snow. The other reality in this offer was the accompanied sacrifice my parents would make – I was one of six children in the family. How could they possibly afford this?

The discussions that ensued were centered on the concept that you can’t become a leader in the Forest Service if you don’t have a college degree. Don’t give up on your goal to run – learn to walk first, running comes second. Sacrifice now so that you can have more when the time is right.

Audrey had been equally clear in her words. You can be anything you want to be. You have to get your priorities right. It won’t come automatically – you have to learn to walk before you can run. How many times did we hear this phrase around our home?

These messages were not delivered in rapid fire bursts in a short period of time. Rather they were delivered in calm discussions spread over several months – sometimes while traveling to a football or basketball game of my younger brother, or across the table at dinner, or while we worked together in the garden. There were also delivered over several years – though they struck me most and had the most meaning when I thought I needed to dropout of college and pursue a trade.

These lessons were still ringing in my ears when I contemplated going back to college for a PhD. With four children and what seemed to be a successful career in the Forest Service, I wanted to run even harder. So back to graduate school I went to see if I could still walk there. Quig was always available for a lift when I needed it. My family does not remember me in that year of intense graduate work as a soft, kind, and loving father. I have always suspected that it was my poor example during that year that resulted in only one of our children finishing college. I guess that there were some lessons Q&A taught that I failed to apply correctly in the initial fray. With hindsight I wish I had handled things better that year.

The lessons about learning to walk before you run came in more incarnations than education. Hunting was an important part of our culture in central Utah as I grew up. On one occasion I recall going deer hunting with Quig in the Clear Creek area. My brother and I were eager to trudge the mountains in search of the largest buck. Quig, in his unassuming way, said “you boys go ahead, I’m not feeling too well, and so I’ll just hang around here.”

As we spread out across the slope and up one ravine after another, we saw signs of deer but no bucks. Then a shot range out from the foothills near where we left Quig. We decided to circle back to see if there were bucks in that vicinity. As we approached the truck, Quig quietly asked “Will you two go drag that three point buck over here? He’s a bit heavy for me.” He had again managed to teach this lesson about learning to walk before we run.

Maybe it should be self evident that you need to master the simple before the complex. After all you can’t even sign up for calculus in college before you have completed the prerequisites of earlier math classes. Some economics courses even require math before you can sign up for them. These simpler skills, even though they may seem complex, in and of themselves, build on one another as your mastery level increases. The problem is we don’t always understand the prerequisites or even realize there are prerequisites for some things.

I had for many years believed that hard work and dedication to tasks was to be rewarded. Somehow bosses would recognize these traits and reward my efforts. I was surprised when my boss told me he wanted me to work less. I was just coming off the Interior Columbia Basin Ecosystem Management Project as the science team leader. As a group we had worked hard, long hours and accomplished what we believed was an important break through in understanding multiple scales in ecosystem disturbance processes. Why would my boss want me to slow down? I resisted and kept working 70 to 80 hour weeks. At every opportunity, Tom Mills would tell me the specific tasks he wanted me to focus on and to set aside the other work. Being a rather strong willed person, I pushed back and told Tom that I was working more than my required 40 hours and that I would select what projects to work on after my initial 40 hours.

Tom Mills and I went the rounds on several occasions. Finally, Tom revealed his rationale for demanding that I work less. He told me I was sick and getting sicker – I was a workaholic and needed treatment. Of course any self respecting workaholic would deny such an accusation – and I did. At some point Tom Mills talked with Kerry, my wife. She revealed my work habits, my hours, and my priorities. While I am not now proud of those priorities, I thought I was doing my best with all the work and family commitments I had. Tom Mills and Kerry conspired to work on me. I told Mills that I could break my workaholic tendencies if I could get extracted from the ICBEMP and away from my other assignments for a period. While we disagreed about how long that period was, we did not disagree on the need. Mills and I settled on an executive training detail to Australia. I pressed for one year, Mills said two months. I said six months, Mills said three months. Eventually we settled on four and one half months.

Kerry and I arranged an exchange. We would live in Queensland Department of Natural Resources science team leader’s home and I would work in his office and vice versa. Immediately following the 2000 Olympics in Sydney Australia, we settled in Brisbane. I didn’t have a key to the DNR buildings, so I had to leave when quitting time hit. I got home and Kerry was ready for a break so we would spend time together. I went through terrible withdrawals. I was working only 45 hours a week and not working on the weekends. Kerry and I traveled much of Australia and New Zealand. It was six weeks before I could settle in and feel good about lazy nature. I was able to accomplish some significant pieces of work while in Australia, in spite of my much reduced hours. I rediscovered that time with my wife was really enjoyable. I discovered that Mills and Kerry were right – I did need to learn to walk as a non-workaholic. I again was learning to walk before I could run. Mills had brought back what Q&A had taught years earlier – priorities matter and balance is essential. I was out of balance and it took considerable effort to get me balanced again.

As time has marched on I have learned that one is constantly fighting the workaholic tendencies. I think I can understand at least some of the drive that an alcoholic has. I also suspect there are genetics involved in here somewhere. My tendencies toward excess are almost certainly linked with my Grandfather’s tendencies toward excess – I think I have mine under control, he never did.

Bottom Line – Succeeding in life requires simple and complex skills; learn the simple first and the complex will be much easier to master.

Principle – Respect grows from our actions. We gain other’s respect through our own actions that demonstrate respect.

To a certain extent the principle of respect seems circular – respect begets respect. Other’s will show us respect as they witness us being respectful to others and their property. By some measures Quig cut a fairly small swath in the overall scheme of things, but there were some constants that were ever present; showing respect was one of those.

The Kanosh Ranger Station was on main street in Kanosh. There wasn’t much there – 3 gasoline stations, 2 small (4 or 5 room) motels, 2 small family owned grocery stores, and a church. Beyond that, main street hosted barns, chicken coops, pastures, and homes. Highway 91 was main street in town, the primary highway running north/south between Las Vegas and Salt Lake City. In the 1960’s and 1970’s it was quite a busy highway – especially in contrast to today where I-15 bypasses the town by many miles. Now there is one gas station and one family owned grocery store still in business.

As I was growing up, it was not unusual on this busy stretch of highway to have two or three cars broken down in town each week. These travelers were a real mix of the well-to-do and the not-so-well-to-do. It made no difference to Q&A what the background was for any given stranded family, their helping hand was available. Some might have thought that Q&A were easy marks for the wandering to take advantage of, but Q&A looked at each family as someone in need. They would arrange transportation, food, tires, batteries, and blankets no matter the apparent circumstance of the family. This respect for others was not limited to strangers. They often repeated the words that “a friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Quig respected other’s property. It was not the pending inspection that motivated Quig to keep all the government equipment and property in good condition. After every use, Quig insured the equipment was cleaned, stored properly, and ready for the next use – his way of showing respect.

During one particularly wet spring, a series of rainstorms brought threats of flooding to Kanosh. Scores of people and equipment were scurrying to divert the raging waters. The National Forest was seen as an immediate source of rock to help shore up the diversions. Quig headed to Corn Creek canyon to direct equipment and traffic. Not far from the National Forest boundary fence is an excellent source of rock. Quig quickly walked the area and found petroglyphs among the rock rubble. This signaled to Quig the likelihood that this area was a burial ground for the tribe of Indians that inhabited the area anciently. Without hesitation, Quig signaled the equipment operators away from the site and to another further up the canyon. Quig also knew that if he announced this find to others, the likelihood of someone digging at the site in search of artifacts was high. To my knowledge he never announced to the crews or the public why he pushed the rock gathering to a site further from the pending flood, but it taught me a lesson I will never forget. That lesson, respect even for those not present to speak their mind is being respectful.

Growing up in our household, spankings were unheard of. Cross a line that you shouldn’t and you would be summoned to the kitchen table for a discussion with Q&A. How many times would I rather have had a licking than sit at the table for that discussion? Show disrespect and the chances were high you would end up at the kitchen table. These discussions were not shouting or swearing or ranting. They usually began with the phrase “We are disappointed that you…” These were tough and hard to take sometimes, but I never felt disrespected in the process.

As a preteen I was enamored with motors. The Ranger Station where we lived had this great self-powered lawn mower. It was the reel type of mower with a five horsepower Briggs & Stratton engine mounted above two large wheels that had lots of power. I loved to whip around the yard mowing the lawn with that mower. I felt empowered to be in control of that machine. It occurred to me that this machine had the ability to become a little profit center for me – not in mowing other peoples lawns, but in moving friends up and down the street. I set about to design a people mover by attaching the red wagon behind the mower handle. By kneeling up in the wagon so I could steer the mower, there was room for a friend to sit behind. If I put the mower on the sidewalk there was plenty of power and traction to pull us both up the street to the store and back. For a mere nickel my friend could get the thrill of a whirlwind ride up and down the sidewalk.

The plan was working perfectly. I was using gasoline I didn’t even have to buy, making money like crazy, and having fun all at the same time. There were rubber tire skid marks all the way up to the store from the mower having to work especially hard to pull the kids older than me. I was literally having the time of my life, that is, until Quig got home. I remember the sinking feeling as I headed back from the store run and could see Quig on the sidewalk in front of the Ranger Station waiting for me. My paying passenger abandoned ship before we even arrived at the Ranger Station. I brought the people mover to a halt in front of Quig. I recall him saying “Take the mower back to the garage and then lets talk.” Oh no, not the kitchen table.

Yes, it was the kitchen table for the next ten minutes. No loud words were said. No cussing. No smacks aside the head. I was reminded that the mower belonged to the government, not me. The gas was paid for by the government, not me. I had failed to ask permission and was not showing respect for other people’s property by my actions. Before we even started the discussion I knew all these things. But for reasons I can’t fully explain I had not acted in accordance with what I knew. I had failed to show respect and Quig was teaching me what I needed to hear.

In the 1960’s the Forest Service encouraged Forest Rangers to take their kids with them to the mountains to help with all the tasks. We rode in the Forest Service green fleet to count cattle onto the Forest, to mend fence, to repair water developments, to measure forage, and to check campgrounds. We even rode the government horses to get them in shape for the summer season’s work. Those were the days. I am sure it was those times that convinced me I should work for the Forest Service. Quig spent as much time as possible in the woods and away from the office. This was typical of the Forest Rangers of that time. It still is a lament that paperwork has forced the Ranger to spend more time in the office than in the field.

As a kid, I was excited to get to go with Quig. The work was fun, I thought. When we arrived back at the Ranger Station I wanted to move quickly to the next adventure. Quig was adamant that all the equipment we used that day be cleaned and put away. The saddles needed to be stored, horses groomed and fed, shovels cleaned, and the truck cleaned up. Quig used to say, “You never know when you will need that again, and it might just be an emergency.” In hind sight he was teaching respect as well as preparedness.

As a young Assistant Ranger, I was working for a Ranger who reminded me in many ways of Quig. Tom Eberhardt had been on the Conejos Ranger District of the Rio Grande National Forest for over 25 years by the time I started there. He had many habits that classified him as being from the “old guard.” Some were interesting quirks while others were quite intriguing. For instance, he had away of ignoring the Forest Headquarters that caused us as Assistant Rangers to have to follow closely behind him. We could never quite figure out why we were in trouble with the Supervisor’s Office so much until we discovered how Tom handled the mail. He would sort the mail into piles. Letters from a permittee, contractor, or the public would go in one pile, letters from politicians in another, and letters from the Regional Office or Supervisor’s Office in another. He would open his three desk drawers on the right side of his desk, take the letters from the bottom drawer and toss them in the waste basket, move the letters from the second drawer to the third drawer, and place the Regional Office and Supervisor’s Office letters from his desk pile into the top drawer. He then would proceed to open and answer the letters from the other two piles. I asked him once why he ignored the letters from the RO and SO. His reply was simple, “If they haven’t asked for it three times, they don’t really need it.” The other Assistant Ranger and I learned that we needed to occasionally sort through his desk drawers to see if the RO or SO was asking for something for the third time.

I thought it was interesting how a seasoned Ranger had sorted his priorities for showing respect. It was clear he had a pecking order to that. I suspect Quig did something similar but I was not in his office enough to witness his routine regarding mail.

I did gain a special insight into respect for the land and natural resources from Quig and Tom. If you work at the Ranger District level you will take your lunch break in the mountains many times. I learned early on with Tom that his style of lunch break was different from any I had ever before witnessed. He would stop somewhere along a mountain road and each a sandwich quickly. He then would grab a shovel and a saddle bag full of grass seed and head to a road cut bank, you know the steep embankment on the uphill side of the road. He would use his shovel to lop off one shovel full of dirt from the very top of the cut. He would proceed to do this for about 100 feet, then he would get his bag of seed and scatter seed into the newly cut turf at the top of the cut. He would proceed to do this for about 100 yards along the cut bank before it was time to get back to work. Why did he do this? He shared with me that it was his intention to treat every cut bank on the District if he could. In reality the road banks on that District were among the best maintained I have witnessed. He did it because he respected what Mother Nature had provided. He was a true steward of the land.

On another occasion I witnessed Tom run across a sagebrush flat to catch a caterpillar operator who was not scarifying the ground the way Tom wanted it done. The old timers seemed to grasp the significance of respect for the resource. They were certainly not victims of any system – they were in the driver’s seat. Today I witness many Forest Service employees who are tied to their desk and computer. I have not seen someone run across a sagebrush flat since that day in 1976. It is truly the passion that I witnessed in Quig and Tom that I feel we should all be showing toward those things that are important in our lives – important enough that they deserve our respect.

It seems to me that respect should be a given in all our lives. This holds especially true for those we love and hold dear. I fear sometimes that it is those we love the most that we find hard to respect. We see them do things that disappoint us and cause us to lash out. A good friend of mine was finding it hard to say something positive about his 16 year hold son. Yet I was seeing a young man who was bright, trying to head in the right direction, but also was struggling with some issues. I knew how Q&A got us to rise to our potentials – that was speaking positively to us and praising the good we did, showing us respect. In the end my friend’s son has a lovely family now and is very successful in life and his profession. The positive in him overcame the negative. He still have my respect.

I can’t say why it is that we seem capable of disrespecting those we are most closely associated with – our loved ones, our colleagues, our friends, our bosses, and our buddies. It seems as though humanity knows no bounds when it comes to showing a lack of respect. I have been guilty of more than I want to admit, but I will say I have improved much in the last 20 years. It seems as though life’s lessons came my way in this regard with triple doses. Maybe someday I will even feel comfortable writing about those lessons. For now, suffice it say I am more respectful for the trials everyone faces.

Bottom Line – Respect for others and their property will, in turn, result in others showing you respect. If you want respect, don’t demand it, rather show it to others and it will come your way in return.

Thomas M. Quigley

The Principle – Actions that emphasize family first reward more than family.

Who doesn’t crave recognition and rewards? Quig was certainly not immune from those cravings. As a District Ranger in the Forest Service, the pathway to promotion and higher recognition was well established and certainly understood.

Kanosh, Utah Ranger District was small by today’s standards. Budget cuts, increasing communications options, and increased administrative pressures have resulted in consolidations among National Forests and Ranger Districts. A small district in the 1960’s might have a GS-11 District Ranger and 3-6 staff. While being a District Ranger carried with it some recognition and authority, after 10 years in place the lure of promotion, greater influence, and a welcome change pressed Quig to apply for other jobs.

I recall the day he announced that he had accepted a job on the Sawtooth National Forest in Idaho as Range Staff Officer – a promotion. There is little doubt that his superiors had exercised influence in getting him this offer. The announcement of this “opportunity” was made at the dinner table. My two older sisters looked like they had been shot. Both were in high school and were taken completely by surprise.

A few of the quotes I recall include: “Are we going to vote?” “Do I get any say in this?” “This will ruin my life!” “Why do we have to move?”

I don’t recall much coming from the boys. Perhaps that was because we were too young to realize what was happening. Or maybe we couldn’t get into the conversation with the way my older sisters were carrying on.

Quig remained calm but was obviously not expecting this reaction. He kept an eye on body language – especially of Audrey, his wife – and attempted to moderate the discussion as he had done so many times before. I cannot recount all the discussions nor actions that took place, but the outcome was announced the next morning at the breakfast table. Quig would place family first and turn down the promotion and move.

I never heard Quig say he regretted this decision. It was years later that I better understood the politics and ramifications of this choice. It wasn’t until I had personally worked for the Forest Service for a decade, that I learned his supervisor had told him by turning down this promotion he would never be promoted nor advanced beyond District Ranger. Even though the Kanosh and Fillmore Ranger Districts were combined while Quig was the District Ranger, it wasn’t until he retired that the combined District was reclassified as a GS-12. Quig retired as a GS-11 and the Ranger who replaced him was a GS-12.

I am not convinced that the family would have fallen apart or some dire consequences might have befallen us if Quig had accepted the promotion. What I am convinced is that this decision exemplifies how Quig treated his family. He did not complain nor carry on about this type of choice – it was just him.

Big decisions of this type stand out as a rather dramatic demonstration of family first, but that was more the icing on the cake than it was the substance of the cake itself. Quig’s every day actions demonstrated that he embraced the principle of family first.

I didn’t understand this until I had children of my own. As their lives got busy and their activities multiplied, I gained new appreciation for Quig and Audrey. It was a very rare day if they did not travel to witness a game, a presentation, or a performance of one of their kids - often times that meant dividing up and going different directions. The contrast with some of my friends was clear. A few of them could not recall a time their parents attended an activity that was away from Kanosh or Fillmore. Occasionally I had to beg to get them not to come watch me at an event I thought I might do poorly at. I even recall how disappointed they were to learn that the high school debate team would be traveling but they could not come witness the actual debates.

Q&A’s approach to family first was witnessed by more than the kids. Even as feeble grandparents they were present for events for grandchildren. Whenever school, church, or community events involved family everyone knew Q&A would be there supporting their family.

So with such great lessons before me, am I a shining example of this principle? I don’t think I stand out in any special way against the example of Q&A, but I try. I have many regrets about my chasing the career ladder and witnessing difficult times for my children. I often wonder whether my seeking a PhD or a national assignment was a root cause of later pain for my children and wife. I suspect it is. I can’t fully explain why I seem to be different than Q&A in some regards, but I think the family first principle is one I did not necessarily excel at. That does not mean that I somehow don’t embrace this principle. In fact I am confident it brings the correct balance in life. What I know personally though, is that it is hard to live by in all circumstances.

I still had my two youngest children at home when the call came asking that I meet with my boss, Jack Ward Thomas. As it turns out he had already been informed he was going to be named as the next Chief of the Forest Service. He had been on assignment under direction from then President Bill Clinton to help solve the Northern Spotted Owl issue in the Northwest. As that assignment was winding down, a new issue was surfacing regarding natural resource issues in the interior Columbia Basin. A new process was about to be launched that would cover portions of seven states and had the potential to help solve some pretty sticky problems. Jack told me he wanted me to lead the science team that was to undertake the scientific assessment of resource conditions in support of potential decisions regarding the management of Federal lands in the interior Columbia Basin.

My ego was stroked. I recall statements about very few could succeed at this, you are trusted by both science and management, you have established the example in leading the Blue Mountains Natural Resources Institute, and on and on. In hind sight I don’t think I followed Quig’s example very well at all. I had discussions with my wife and children but really did not give them much of a voice in the final outcome. I thought duty had called and I was going to treat this like the short term assignment that was promised. To make a long story short, I accepted a nine month assignment to be the Science Integration Team Leader for the Interior Columbia Basin Ecosystem Management Project (ICBEMP). The headquarters for this work was some 90 miles away from our home. I committed to rent an apartment during the week and commute home on the weekends.

I called Kerry, my wife, virtually every night. We talked about how the kids were doing in school and with all their projects – I even helped my son with math over the phone occasionally. The reality of the problem I had created in accepting this assignment did not fully hit me until it was clear the nine month assignment was really going to be more like a 2 or 3 year assignment (in the final analysis the assignment lasted for over 9 years). One evening Kerry explained to me a problem our daughter was having. I said “I will talk with her when I get their on Saturday.” Kerry was very clear “No you won’t. You are a visitor in this house! I will take care of this.”

I decided then and there that I needed to get the family back together again. We moved to be together but that meant uprooting our son during his freshman year in high school. The ICBEMP was threatened every year with closure. There was no ground swell of support to solve the natural resource problems of the Columbia Basin. In fact the entire Department of Agriculture went on furlough one year, in part, because Congress refused to fund the ICBEMP. All this brought out dances I had to do with Governors, Senators, Cabinet Officers, and local politicians. But the uncertainty of it all resulted in my son deciding to take on two years of high school credits so he could graduate at the end of his Junior year for fear he would be transferred again because of my job situation. That was stressful for him and for Kerry.

I learned a lot in those years. I even thought I understood what it meant to put family first. The reality was I did not. I have attempted many sessions of penance for these actions. I suppose only my family can really attest to whether I have successfully lived the principle.

Bottom Line – If you place family first in your life, your influence will be felt and appreciated well beyond your family. Indeed recognitions and rewards will still be yours.

Thomas M. Quigley

We all have individuals in our lives that seem bigger than life – influencing us in ways we can’t understand until time, in fact considerable time, passes. I understand that we are more than the outgrowth of one or two individual’s influence. I suspect we can all point to a few individuals who had the most profound influence on our lives. In my case, the older I get, the more I reflect, the more I realize Quig’s and Audrey’s influence on my life is undeniable.

While Quig and Audrey (Q&A) are not the only ones who influenced my thinking, they are the two that had the most profound influence. I will bring others into the storyline that also shaped my thinking, but I am confident Q&A will ring out loud and clear. I take on the task of documenting Q&A’s and other’s influence for three main reasons. First, I want to create a record of the influence for good that Q&A and others have had on my life. Second, I want my family to have a record of the primary lessons I learned so they can avoid some of the pitfalls and grow with fewer hard knocks than they might otherwise. Third, I see those who are trying to influence others, struggle with which lesson to teach and I see those who are learning struggling with issues that are hard to recognize and pushing back on the learning process. I am hoping these essays can aid them in some small way to sort among life’s lessons to better understand those that matter most.

Most people called them Quig and Audrey, I mostly called them Mom and Dad. The reason I anticipate so much of the focus of these essays to be on the lessons I learned from Quig and Audrey stems from the fact that they walked the talk. I never remember a time when they said “do as I say, not as I do.” Their actions spoke louder than their words, but were fully consistent with the talk. Some of the influence they had on my life was clearly a result of the fact they were my parents, but mostly – and most importantly – because they were Quig and Audrey. They taught life’s lessons to everyone they knew, not just their kids, and there were six of them.

Quig grew up in the small southern Utah town of Moab. His father was a Forest Ranger in the days when they really did ride the range on horseback as the only person to administer uses for the district. That task now is accomplished by a staff that numbers in the dozens. It also meant that Quig was without a father at home most of the time. Quig really did not have the luxury of a father role model to influence his values and goals. For the most part Quig was left in the care of his grandmother and step-grandfather.

Quig’s mother was a kind and generous person who suffered from epilepsy in the days before medicine that could reduce the seizures. These episodes worsened to the point that Quig, as a pre-teen, had to take responsibility for his mother’s safety – protecting her from injury at night by restraining her during seizures. Quig lost his mother to cancer when he was only 10. Quig’s only sibling, a sister, died of typhoid fever when he was just 5 years old. So at age 10 he was left in the care of his grandmother and step-grandfather. To complicate matters even more, his father fell victim to alcoholism following the deaths of his wife and daughter. He never really filled the role of father again.

To make a long story short, Quig’s early years were marked with tragic events, few personal victories, and the absence of the usual cast of characters that mold a young man.

Audrey, also a product of southern Utah, grew up in St. George. Her summers were spent living on a ranch near the Mountain Meadows, where her father ran cattle. She was strongly grounded in family values, influenced by religious upbringing and a long list of pioneers. She had an innate sense of the value of education and devoted much of her life to teaching in public schools. Her background strongly contrasted with that of Quig’s. They shared a common commitment to sacrificing for school. Neither Quig nor Audrey had the resources to attend college without working to finance their way through school. In Audrey’s case this meant working as a housekeeper. In Quig’s case it meant working at the school tree nursery during the day and singing at a local restaurant in the evening for his supper. Audrey learned homemaking skills early in life and honed them with a major in college of home economics.

Audrey’s parents were always there for her. Whenever she needed them they were there. She spent as much time riding horses as any of her brothers. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and distant relatives were always a significant part of Audrey’s life. She developed a keen sense of the value of family relationships through the large network of family members in St. George.

In the chapters that follow, you will have glimpses into the make-up of Q&A as well as some of the events that shaped their values, goals, and views of life. Lest you assume you will only hear the stories of Q&A, I also intend to include stories of others who have shaped my sense of what matters most in life. I also intend to provide some examples of why and how these principles play out in other’s lives. Lastly I intend to provide a simple summary that highlights the potential application of the principle today.

I begin with the premise that we are all learning and we are all teaching. It matters not whether you are young or old. I’ve learned some grand lessons from my grandchildren at the same time I hope I am teaching them some lessons as well. Whether your desire is to hone your list of principles to teach, compare the principles you feel best characterize what matters most in life, or search for some tidbits that might be helpful, I encourage your comments. I am certainly open to learning more.

Thomas M. Quigley

Why would someone start an adventure like StoriesThatLift.com in the first place?

I have had this idea growing for a long time.  I was confident there were really good stories out there that will help lift people up and at the same time entertain. You find that occasional book that does that for you, you hear that occasional presentation that makes you say “wow”, and then you watch people do great things but rarely do you find it documented where others can read or hear it. This is especially true for the concept of hearing or reading it for free. So the idea of starting a website that would be dedicated to finding and publishing stories that lift and entertain became possible after I retired from my first career. With 500 fewer employees to supervise, I was no longer asking “You did what?” or “What were you thinking?” I was able to focus some energy on understanding the web enough to venture into the fray.

The first thing I had to do was ensure I had a decent contracting assignment as a day job to finance a night venture. It took over a year of consulting to get to the point I felt I could get the consulting work done in 40 to 50 hours per week, allowing another 15 or 30 hours per week for the website.

Another task was to convince my wife that late nights working on the web would be an ok venture. I usually try to spend much of the evening with her, but when she heads to bed, I head for the computer.

The next thing was to get some help. Kami, my daughter, was keen to help with reviewing submitted stories and keep the interactions with authors moving forward. This lifted a substantial workload from me so I could focus on figuring out how to build a website. I am only barely versed in being a webmaster, but I have learned a great deal as we have moved along.  Someday maybe it will become even nicer.

I started out as the voice for stories - and most of the stories were of my writing.  As more stories were submitted we moved many of the original stories to a separate webpage that remains accessible but is mostly there for the curious to see how it all began. Anyone interested in hearing these initial stories can access them at tmqstories.storiesthatlift.com.  Now we rely less on my voice.

At an early stage I got an interesting email from Jamie Moore saying he say a craigslist ad that was seeking great stories for a new website. He wanted to know more about it. I found his website TheJamieMoore.com. Quickly Kami and I agreed we wanted to get him involved.  After a few interactions he agreed to join us.  We are so impressed by his talent. In addition to producing the children’s stories with character voices, music, and sound effects, we are looking to get him to narrate the other stories.  He has to make a living and at this stage we can’t pay for his work on the site. As a result he too is burning the midnight oil to contribute his talent to the StoriesThatLift.com.

I knew we needed an artist.  I danced with several potential artists, but they were mostly not in a position where they could speculate with us that the site would be successful.  I was concerned that most of the artists were focused on putting too much time and energy into the artwork for the site.  It seemed to me that we needed sketches rather than “finished” pieces.  So I set out to locate someone who might be close to us in Utah that did great sketches.  I ran across Adam Murray’s website and immediately sought him out.  After a few iterations he agreed to come on board to help us with the artwork for the site.  He has been great to work with.

In our new lifestyle - that is retired from one job and consulting out of a home office - we decided to avoid the coldest and snowiest months of Utah’s climate.  As a result we live in a condo in St. George, Utah’s Dixie, for most of the winter.  While in St. George, I made contact with a few of the Storyteller’s of southern Utah.  One such find was Adele Tolley Wilson.  Adele had recently retired from a career as a school teacher and was excited about getting involved with us on the website.  Adele has been learning how to record her stories and getting better all the time. Her style is different than that of Jamie Moore’s, but we get a lot of feedback that kids just love to hear her voice telling stories.  We let her carry the weight of being the Grandmotherly voice on the site.  In addition to the classic fairy tales, Adele has added some excerpts from a few of  her books. She wrote books especially for learning by kids. They are popular in the schools and at home where Mom’s and Dad’s spend some time with their kids learning.

That is mostly where we came from and how we got here.  I continue to subsidize the website.  We are now in the process of putting some of the more popular stories into a series of booklets and audio CDs called Grandpa’s Storybook Collection.  It is our hope that these will become popular gifts and someday get me out of the business of subsidizing the StoriesThatLift.com.

If you have ideas you want to contribute to the site, we welcome your comments.